Women Bend, Men Break

Well done Jamie Foxx for coming up with this phrase two weeks ago on his Foxxhole radio show (the same show that had the infamous Miley Cyrus diss). It is a complex analysis made simple by it's abiding definition -"Women bend, Men break". You see relationships as we know grow from strength to strength with the constant rotation of love, trust and commitment. A bond is created between a man and a woman based on these foundations and we often find a relationship blossoming. HOWEVER there comes a time...scratch that numerous times when this relationship is tested and 8 times out of 10 that so called strength portrayed becomes curiously fragile.

It wouldnt be accurate to say every test has the same reaction but more often than not you find in circumstancial scenarios women bend while men break. Now when we say women bend we are refering to their reaction to a negative scenario that can affect a relationship....the woman is clearly affected (hence the bending) but rather than show outright anger she conceals it and saves the issue for a rainy day. When it comes to the man on the other hand he has less tolerance and his reaction is instant and somewhat volatile (hence the breaking) towards the situation. If you pay your attention to the scenarios below......

Who is that?

You see your partner talking to someone of the opposite sex, and they are friendlier than usual

Woman Bends: She'll see her man talking to another girl and even though it upsets her, she wont react. Instead she'll collect her thoughts and save it for another day

Man Breaks: He sees her talking to a guy and it's an instant reaction, he's angry and lets her AND the guy she's talking to know it.

New Friends

Your partner has a new friend of the opposite sex that they speak to often

Woman Bends: She'll wait (and hope) for her man to tell her who the new friend is. If he doesnt say, she'll ask about her and ask to meet her

Man Breaks: He'll ask (complain) about her new friend and request less time be spent speaking to him. When meeting the friend he gives him the cold shoulder and the eyes to let him know. The new friend unsurprisingly rarely speaks to her ever again

Holiday in Napa?

Your partner's going on a party holiday....in Napa

Woman Bends: Has her suspicions but quietly trusts her partner wil behave himself (pssh..in Napa? haha)

Man Breaks: He knows she's likely to misbehave especially with some of the girls she's going with. He's not happy, he gets into an argument which either forces her to misbehave or forces HIM to join her in Napa

You aint getting any

Your partner aint in the mood for sex, simple

Woman Bends: She shows anger but doesnt complain for too long, she collects her thoughts

Man Breaks: Its the end of the world, he's fuming and doesnt know what to do with himself, he has no control

Miscellaneous Objects

You see something in the car that doesnt belong to you...and sure as hell dont belong to your partner....but whoever it belongs to is the same sex as you

Woman Bends: Save it for a Rainy Day

Man Breaks: Everyday is a rainy day

What time you call this?

Your partner comes home late....real late after a party. They look and smell different

Woman Bends: She doesnt say anything, she logs it into her memory

Man Breaks: If he hasnt called her already before she even hits the door, he'll turn into CSI Miami.com/ForensicDetectives and go mad!

The scenarios dont lie......the scenarios do not lie! So I guess after that the next thing is to look at the even wider perspective and disect why. Why do women bend and men break? The truth is I dunno, maybe it's control issues. Reading an essay once the writer interstingly suggested that there's sometimes a gap between a man's ability to reason and his ability to feel whereas women can connect reason with emotion whilst also knowing that reason can't solve all emotional issues.

We all like to be in control of our life...men more or less take pride in being in "control" of their relationship and when they sense that their "control" has been comprimised they react aggressively (masculinity revisited) because they aren't used to not being in "control", they havent gained the necessary knowledge of how to react. Women know that breaking hardly creates control so they wait, they bend...they are tactful...they wait til the man is at a vulnerable or weak position and then they unleash. Does that make women are stronger than men?....well thats another blog post in itself. What do you think?

"The weaker the argument, the stronger the words"

Friday Means Throwback

This has been a strange week. I swear I've seen more women over 6ft this week than in my entire lifetime. Speaking to a substantial amount of women looking up is an interesting experience. I've accepted the fact that at 6ft (and a half) and 22 years old Im not growing anymore but this female growth spurt has to stop!! Nah Im playing, tall women get the thumbs up..... but I aint ready for the photos with them. Enjoy the throwback!

Skeelo - I Wish I Was A Little Bit Taller

"If you aren't in over head you don't know how tall you are"

PREMIER VIDEO: The Foreign Exchange Feat Darien Brockington - Take Off The Blues

Not many know about the Foreign Exchange but they are one of the few musicians that are holding the flag for modern music. Made up of Nicolay and Phonte from rap group Little Brother, FE have a great blend of Neo-Soul, Jazz, Hip-Hop & Funk and you can hear a couple of their tracks off my playlist. Here's their new video with affiliate Darien Brockington; keep a look out for the second track at the end, should sound familiar.

The Foreign Exchange Myspace & Darien Brockington Myspace

"Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons. You will find it is to the soul what a water bath is to the body"

It's Who AND What You Know

Dont ever let anyone distill in your head that "It's Not What You Know, It's Who You Know" That's a whole bunch of crap. You really think someone you know will let you progress without some kinda knowledge? if the answer is yes then your progression in life will be somewhat stifled by your inability to learn and adapt it to experience.

Who and What you know combined is more powerful than one or the other. The more skills learnt the better and being able to combine your gift, talent, intelligence and creativity with communication and people skills will only provide a stronger foundation for future growth. If there's anything I learnt from my years at Uni it's that it was a platform for higher learning academically and socially, Network, Network, Network. The socio-technological era we live in only adds weight to this with modern technology geared towards communication and feedback from each other.

This being said however dont feel that if you dont know people that you're headed in the wrong direction. The truth is "who you know" is just an added bonus to "what you know" but dont let not knowing someone stop you from acheiving your dream...If Opportunity Doesn't Knock, Build A Door. Acquire knowledge to solidify What You Know, and if you dont network just know that at the very least the one person who knows you (the man upstairs) will guide you through.

"Only the educated are free"

What's Next? (Thought Of The Day)

You ever reach a stage in your life and wonder if anything new's gonna happen? You "think" you've overturned obstacles and passed small milestones and stages and now you're waiting? It isn't exactly a crossroads because a crossroads still has options; but it isnt a dead end because you've still got something to look forward to (at least you think you should). Instead it's like reaching a traffic junction and there's no indication of whether you should turn left or right. What's Next?

What's Next is YOU. There's no major epiphany or stand out discovery, it's all about you. Good things comes to those who wait but better things comes to those who dont procrastinate. Everyone has a particular milestone they want to reach in life but have a different mindset as to how they are going to get there. Too often I've seen people around me give up too easily or take a less effective road making cliched mistakes in thinking the path to success, happiness and portioned contentment is a straight road with only minor bumps. The laziness sets in, they blend in with the rest and become a ground eagle.

In order to figure out what's next you have to master what's NOW? Whatever it is you want to achieve in life starts from YOU and the small steps you take towards that goal. Focus on your character, your weaknesses, your strengths and your potential in order to implement your actions, your talents and your skills. Tie up any loose ends you have now however small and possibly insignificant to give yourself a clean slate and no excuse to flourish in future. What's Next is you dealing with What's Now. What's Now is you planning for What's Next. Confused?

"The toughest part about getting to the top of the ladder is about getting through the crowd at the bottom"

Lil Wayne Feat Young Money - Every Girl

Been bumping this track for a while now, didnt think they would bring a video for it due to the language but they did. I will definitely be bumping this in the summer, old or not. Here's Lil Wayne bringing through his Young Money label including Dreezy, enjoy!

"Music is a performance and needs the audience"

Nice Guys Finish Second To Last

....well Im assuming nice guys come before Serial Killers, if not then I can only think the female demographic are simply put, mental!

I feel like asking the questions rather than answering them this week. The old cliche about nice guys finishing last will forever be a hackneyed phrase because 8 times out of 10 it's true. There's a future desire for the nice guy but a current need for the not so nice guy instilled in many the mind of a female. Some, not all claim the nice guy lacks the "X Factor"...what does the X stand for?

Who knows! but the not so great guys are definitely getting the long end of the stick. Im yet to know where this social "commandment" truly stems from seeing as the population of girls who choose the not so nice guys is vast let alone the female population full stop. So Ladies and Gents I ask you, do females prefer the Eric Benets, the Chris Browns or the Jeremy Kyle/Maury characters of this world or is there just a short supply of nice guys?

"It's nice to be important but more important to be nice"

Friday Means Throwback

You always get those unprompted moments which rarely get repeated ever again; earlier this week I was chilling with a group of friends and we were talking about how music developed then kinda declined in originality and pureness over the past few years. Then we found ourselves bubbling to old school motown classics, 80's/90's grooves and Hip-Hop. For once I actually stayed in the room to bare some of the tone deaf girls shriek the tunes of Cheryl Lynn, Anita Baker, Regina Belle etc and the guys rapping over each other in unison (its possible) to Nas, Big L, Pac and Biggie etc. We joked, sang and flowed all night and the setting/atmosphere reminded me of the track below. Mainstream R'n'B will never be the same...

Janet Jackson - That's The Way Love Goes

"Music is an artform that transcends language"

Quote Of The Month

Simply put....

"BE THE PERSON YOU WOULD MOST LIKE TO MEET"



That is all

Just A Friend

Guy Says: How long have we been talking now?
Girl Says: 6 hours
Guy Says: No...I mean wow... but I meant how long have we known each other?
Girl Says: a few months
Guy Says: feels like years
Girl Says: I know right? you're probably one of the few people let alone guys that I feel comfortable talking to
Guy Says: same Akward silence
Girl and Guy Says: So.....oh
Girl Says: You first
Guy Says: Ok, Lets say hypothetically speaking we were together and...
Girl Laughs
Guy Says: Why you laughing?
Girl Says: Haha I dunno, Me and you together just sounds weird, you're like a brother to me

Echoes ring through the guys head: "a brother to me"...."a brother to me"...."a brother to me"

I can think of only two more instances where a girl could tell a guy something that pretty much shatters his world. Its a hard pill to swallow and an even harder zone to get out of. The moment a girl brings the terminology "brother" or "friend" in a situation where a guy's trying to be with her, he has to concede defeat whether he wants to believe it or not.

Imagine an olympic stadium represents the girl's thoughts, the girl is a gold medal and the guy is a 400metre hurdler who has reached the final; he has "trained" all his life for this moment and now he's up for the prize against other worthy opponents (random dudes after her). The race begins and he's off, jumping hurdle after hurdle with consumate ease. He jumps over the nerves hurdle, jumps over the sense of humour hurdle, jumps over the ambition hurdle, then it gets a little tense and it hits between the 200 & 300metre mark. At this point it's his perserverance thats pushing him as he knows the last 100 metres beckons; he jumps over the likes and dislikes hurdles, jumps over the ex hurdles, clatters the "how many" hurdles but still manages to stay on his feet. He now reaches the final stretch, he's in the lead and is on the verge of claiming everything he's worked hard for. All of a sudden as he gets to the last few hurdles and there's a change in logistics, he's losing abit of breath, has he trained too hard? Now he's relying on just his adrenalin as his opponents are catching up. He's still in the lead and believes he can do it but the next hurdle has a different look to it, it seems jumpable from afar but as he gets closer there is something more solidified about this hurdle...ah yes, this is the friendship/brother hurdle. He skips across the track towards the hurdle and jumps but his front leg gets caught in the hurdle and he falls to the ground. Time moves in slow motion as he sees his opponents run and jump OVER the friendship/brother past him towards the finish line. He gets up but he knows it's too late, for as much as he is the crowd favourite he cannot claim the prize....pissed!

No guy I know likes when someone they're after hits them with the "like a friend/brother" tag. It's a mental and physical drain to a guy's system as he has spent quality time getting to know the girl and vice-versa; the mental gap has already been bridged and the physical was there from the get go so he's now feenin for her. What happens now?

As any guy would do they try to retrace their steps as to where it all went wrong. Was it when he told her his weaknesses? Did he play one too many of her favourite slow jams in the background? Was he procrastinating in asking her out? Did he play the good samaritan and spend maybe one minute/hour too long talking about her ex? Who knows!! What he does know is that he now has to sit there with the shattered memories of what could have been....for what awaits him could be more devastating than ever; her calling him to speak about OTHER guys and asking for advice. And like a good friend he is and has been to her he gives her the advice she needs to hear knowing fully well he should be that guy.

She thanks him and even coins the phrase I love you but he knows its a "friend" thing. All that's left to do now is cry like a little school girl.

There is no moral or solution to this story because frankly it can happen to the best of us but at least it answers the question on whether girls and guys can be friends....yes, yes they can, hahaha.

"Love is blind, friendship closes it's eyes"

Acquired Knowledge

Here's a couple of recent blog posts from a few blogs I follow that have been in an interesting read over the past week since I've been back online. Enjoy!

"When You Know Better, You Do Better"

5 Signs They Aren't Good Enough For You

The Wrong Time Seems Like The Right Time, Right Before The Wrong Time

Red Light

Christiana and Pac-Man Lessons

"There are more writers of blogs right now than there are readers, so that's clearly a vanity phenomenon" -Highlarious!

Are We Nosy?

So we've got social networking sites, reality TV shows, advanced google mapping and that girl who stares across the road when you're leaving your house making you that much more paranoid about what she's planning...no? maybe thats just me.

Either way the first three modes of "entertainment" have got me wondering whether there's a sudden burst of subtle voyeurism in the minds of it's users. You take Facebook for instance and disect what it's used for...the benefits are obvious, catching up with friends, networking, contacting people when you havent got minutes/credit (good times), sharing files etc but then what happens in between that? Fortunately for Mark Zuckerberg however and unfortunately for us Facebook can become addictive and you find yourself roaming for friends out of bordeom checking up on their photos, relationship statuses, eavesdropping on their conversations with a mutual friend or with a randomer, or your on the receiving end of an unwanted add/message from someone who's seen a photo of you in their school friend's twice removed cousin's facebook rave...you know the one where you're in a photo with your three friends holding a champagne glass in those new sharp megapixel cameras.... or maybe you're that person who adds them lol.

Social networks have kinda taken two directions. The first direction is the original purpose and the second is straight voyeurism/nosiness/"inner" behaviour. Its not our faults I guess, these mediums are just designed to make us be the receiver or the trigger of such behaviour. Take Twitter for another example, it is again great for networking, communication and promotion but from another perspective it's just an ever updating list of statuses about what everybody's up to...nosy!! I have fallen for the trap a couple of times since being on twitter but it's hard not to since thats all it is, you have to "follow" each other to make sense of it all so essentially it's a networking stalker starter kit. It's the closest you'll get to speaking to certain celebs/superstars so I guess thats ok....yep nothing more fun than making friends with famous people who dont talk back.

Then there's the reality TV shows which are beginning to wipe out original programming (still kinda pissed about Trouble TV getting locked off, re-runs or not). I used to wonder why there wasn't any innovative programmes on TV til I realised that viewers just dont watch it. No ad revenue for TV networks means bankruptcy and so they venture into the world of "reality" and make shows where viewers can participate. The public love eavesdropping, its what the word "public" is based on, trust me. As for the google map innovation, well it doesnt take a genius to know what that may lead to. All in all I cant help but think media mediums have helped illustrate a fact that we all have known at the back of our minds, we are nosy!!!

"The things most people want to know about are usually none of their business. It's a 50/50 on whether they can make it their business with positive outcome"