Monday, January 5, 2009

Scriptwriter Chronicles: MEN ON THE ROAD (Part 13)

PART 13 - The Journey Of Man


Ritchie moves his head forward so the other two can focus closely on what’s being said


Ritchie

Period


Gerald

Oh gosh


Ritchie

Pregnancy


Gerald

Can’t Wait


Ritchie

And PMS


Gerald jokingly screams while Julian laughs.


Julian

I’ve had to endure that in one sitting


Ritchie

Untrue…and disgusting, but you have yet to handle this chapter of PMS and that’s why this weekend we’re gonna help you


Gerald

Right


Ritchie

Take it from me, the best way to handle these is to be calm…and…talk…and…listen.


Julian
Retard


Ritchie

It’s pretty simple yet our testosterone, pride and history of manhood have allowed us to make things very difficult


Gerald

This is interesting


Julian

…and bollocks also but carry on


Ritchie

Ok Julian how did things go during the two pregnancy periods you’ve encountered?


Julian

Was alright, went to classes to learn a few parenting skills, the usual and the sex was wow!


Ritchie

Ok, disgusting again. How many times did you and Jane argue in that period? Honestly


Julian reflects…


Julian

Wow we did argue a few times


Ritchie

Luckily the birth of little Eileen and Sandie eased away all the aggression but I seem to recall arguments straight after that. You see Jules what you need to do with this “P” is listen. She will be talking the most amount of rubbish to you and telling you to do the most foolish things. That’s just the way of the woman! But if you listen and agree you’re pretty much sorted for the next month after one conversation


Julian

Im taking relationship advice from the kryptonite of love can you believe this Gerald?


Julian looks to Gerald whose writing notes on his notepad.


Ritchie

Just shush and listen. Now Period, this is obviously a painful part of certain female’s life and the monthly visits don’t help. However! The key to you and your partner’s conversation at this point is conversation. We men usually shut off when a woman has a period because it’s her business and she’s in pain. We feel we need to wait until she’s finished after a week before we can talk to her (or give her the d). But gentleman all that’s really needed is for you to speak to her, for her to be consoled through her pain. She’ll love you even more for those actions.


Gerald

It all makes sense now


Julian (to Gerald)

What exactly does my sister see in you?


Ritchie

Now for the PMS. This is the most difficult because every single thing you do the women will take it out of proportion, for that period in time she could actually hate you for no reason. You must remain calm in this period as every negative thing you do is times two in her mind and may trigger a response we don’t want. Just be calm with her and agree with everything she does. The main focus is to stay calm and don’t let it phase you, she may come with such phrases as “Ungrateful bastard” or “You don’t give a damn” or “You only care about yourself”. Again don’t let it phase you, just show her love in your speech and facial expression. She’ll soon understand. And that is the secret of the 3 ps.


Gerald claps in admiration


Gerald

That’s quality mate


Ritchie

Hey, women, it’s what I do


Julian

I wonder what Sebastian’s thoughts are on this stupid subject


Ritchie

What does a “virgin” know about relationships?


Julian

Im guessing the same thing as people who have issues with commitment


Julian rides up into Sebastian’s driveway and stares at the house in front of him. Sebastian’s car is in the driveway, the engine still on


Gerald

Does he have guests or something?


Julian drives up until he is parallel with the car, they guys look inside the car and their eyes are alarmed to see a man in a tracksuit at the steering wheel with Nadine.


Ritchie, Gerald and Julian
Tequila?


Nadine
Hi Boys


Julian (smirks)
Seems like you don’t know women that well Ritchie


Sebastian
Tequila?


Nadine
Don’t ask, I had to pick a name to distract them didn’t I


Sebastian
Just get your charger and leave


Nadine
alright alright calm down


Nadine leaves the car


Ritchie
Don’t worry ok, I’ve got this….Hey Tequila! Why don’t you come up with us to the tournament?


Sebastian, Julian & Gerald
NOOOO!!!


Nadine looks at them


Sebastian
What we meant was…


Julian
No!!

Nadine
I’d love to Ritchie Nadine gets in the car and they all stare at Sebastian; Sebastian shakes his head and gets in Julian’s car. This is gonna be fun!


Sebastian, Julian & Gerald (mumbled)
Yeah


They drive off with Ritchie smiling….


PART 14 NEXT SUNDAY…..

5 comments so far....:

Anonymous said...

The guys in this series make me laugh. The characters can easily be related to which is what makes this script so engaging.

Becks:) said...

This is real funny. If this is your worst script then I cant wait to see your others.

Knowledge said...

This is hilarious!

Muffin said...

Highly entertaining and engaging

Caribbeauty said...

hurry up and put up the next script- (please lol)

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