Sunday, January 25, 2009

Scriptwriter Chronicles: MEN ON THE ROAD (Part 17)

Part 17 - Miscommunication Part II

Evelyn walks across the road buried in her own thoughts.
Once again for the sake of peace, she decides not to say anything just yet as she enters the house...

Evelyn
What was soooo importa
nt, that it couldnt wait?

Natalie, Michelle & Jane (holding glasses)
Drinks!!!

Evelyn
Ah, nature's poision and answer to all life's problems

Michelle
Well you bought it! Join us!

Evelyn
No thanks, got something on my mind

Jane
Really? Enlighten us...

Meanwhile the boys and Nadine stand in the corner of the store,
one man with a gun pressed firmly on Julian's back. While another man walks slowly with his gun pointed towards the group. He speaks.....

Man 2
Ok people, as you can see here I have a gun, the scenario is simple. I'm going to approach the counter in all my bravado and get.... looks at shopkeeper what's your name?

Ravindranath (shopkeeper)
Ravindranath

Man 2
Rav what?

Ravindranath
Ravindranath

Man 2
Ravi....Ravindra....ok Im gonna call you Fred. I'm going to get Fred here to empty the till and then me and the man with the very questionable temperament over there points to Man 1 are going to take all the money and leave with your friend points to Julian, the rest look at him in his vehicle. If you attempt to stop us, he gets shot, If you touch your mobiles or any other communication device he gets shot and if you call the police after we leave...

Everyone
He gets shot!

Man 2
Good! Now Fred, open the till, we have 2 mins left

Back at Jane's house, the girls propose a toast...

Michelle
Here's to relationships, although the journeys are hard no fate is worse than a life without a love. Here's to love between me and Gerald, love between Natalie and Sebastian
Natalie raises her eyebrow love between Evelyn and David and I pray for the love between Jane and Julian. Cheers!! Michelle smiles while tkain her sip as the others sport guilt-ridden faces Oh and here's another to Evelyn hopefully telling us what's on her mind and all phones on silent!


Girls

Cheers!

Meanwhile, the men have taken the money from the register, they take julian out the store

Man 2
Thank you the experience has been pleasurable. He winks at Nadine as they get in the car with Julian. Nadine signals a warning sign shake of the head to them which they dont see

Julian I'll be cool they drive off

Gerald
I dont believe this!

Ritchie

What kinda p****** are we that we couldnt risk our lives to help Jules?

Nadine

Some men you are!, Sebastian switches on his phone Call the police! please!!

Sebastian
I'm on it Sebastian sees 72 missed calls on his screen from kim and a text from Jane saying "I miss you" as he dials 999, David shouts from his car

David
You guys get in!! I've called the police


Gerald

Who are you?

Back at Jane's house, the girls have enjoyed 3 bottles of rose between them and are now dancing to old school classics...

Natalie
I love this song! You gonna tell us now Evelyn?

Evelyn (2 stepping)
Nope!

Natalie & Michelle
Booooo!

Michelle
Im tipsy already!?!? Im getting old

Jane
you're not al
one, Rose makes me crazy! woooooo

Natalie
Im in the presence of lightweights, you need to be out with me and the other girls on a Saturday Night

Evelyn
Well you have Sebastian now, so no need

Natalie
Who?

Evelyn
Your boyfri
end....

Natalie
Oh Sebastian. Erm yeah, our relationship is kinda open ....In fact we're on a break right now

Michelle
Hmm. Who wants some champagne!?

Simultaneously somewhere on the motorway Julian is still drivin in the direction of his destination with the two men in the car....

Man 2
£200!? That's pretty pathetic

Man 1
We wasn't supposed to be doing this is in the first place!

Julian
Where exactly am I taking you guys?

Man 2
You'll soon
know Julian's phone rings Dont answer that!

Man 1
Listen we had a job to do, this is a waste of time

Man 2
So what do you want me to do? shoot him right here on the motorway? Julian's heart beats fast

Man 1
We should've shot him at the station

Julian
Whoa!!! there's no need for that. I have a wife and two children

Man 2
Shut your mouth no you dont. Julian's phone rings Dont asnwer that he takes the phone

Man 1
See he's a liar. We should've got the job done. Right now you're comprimising our authority

Man 2
Who are you, Jack Bauer?

Julian

Please I have a wife and children, take my wallet and see for yourselves Man 1 takes the wallet and sees the photos

Man 1 & Man 2
Oh s***!!

Man 1
Wow we have the wrong person

Man 2
Wait so if it isnt him we were supposed to injure, who was it?

A few hundred metres back Sebastian, Gerald, Nadine and Ritchie are panicking in David's car

David
S***! S***! S***!
I cant see where they are anymore, but they havent taken an exit yet so I know they're in front, his attempt to ring evelyn fails as there is no answer Why isn't nobody picking
up their phones!?! Any luck with Julian, Sebastian?

Sebastian
Ringing but still no answer Sebastian sends a text to Jane "I miss you too"

Gerald
This is too crazy. Michelle aint answering either

Ritchie
This situation makes you think. Julian will be fine, they probably wanted a getaway car, once they are off the motorway it will be cool. Nadine? Nadine looks at Ritchie defensively this is an awkward time to say it but, I really like y... Gerald gets through to Julian

Gerald
Julian!! you ok?....where are you?

Back at Jane's house, Jane receives the text.....

Michelle
No phones Jane! thats the rules, girls weekend only! snatches phone

Jane (laughing)

I just wanted to see, boo you! Jane goes back into "send message" and types "I miss you more" Michelle oversees

Michelle
Woo...and who's that too?

Jane
Erm...Julian she adds Julian's name and sends the text, Michelle smiles and takes her phone and swtches it off. Jane ponders. Natalie's phone vibrates...

Natalie
Hello?...Hey Kim, yeah I'll give you the address one sec, Hey Jane my friend Kim's on her way, man problems too!!

Julian sits on the bonnet of his car shaking his head until he receives the text from Jane. His eyes light up and he contemplates. David suddenly drives up to him, they all come out the car and embrace him

Nadine
So them guys just left? how? I dont understand


Julian
Lets just say there was a mix-up. Listen guys after what's just happened I feel like it's a sign for me to go home
he looks at the text from Jane Yeah I'm going home to my wife.....

PART 18 & 19 NEXT WEEK


over 5 but under 10 parts left

10 comments so far....:

Becks:) said...

Best so far!! it's about to go dowwn!!!!!!

Sho Light! said...

Sho light!! lol! i have to agree with becks this is one of the best, the anticipation is doing alot fam lol

Leilani said...

you are so talented!!

Anonymous said...

Yes!!!

Caribbeauty said...

hmm- why i gotta wait a week for the next episodes hmm? lol- good work leon, i'm really enjoying it!

Gerald's_My_Boy said...

Loving the drama, you've got my head twisted now! I thought i knew the plot, but you've taken it on to another level!

Anonymous said...

Can't wait for 18 & 19

Anonymous said...

The twists are developin very nicely!! I cant wait for the next parts.

Alex said...

this is blowing my mind mate lol what do those guys have to do with the story?!! you've done this well, cant lie! lol

Muffin said...

I can't handle the suspense lol

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